I let go.. I hope

Tonight I went for a late night skate. I saw some stairs went to the top edge laid down on the cold pavement, and watched the not so bright stars since the campus lights are so bright.
 What I did last night most people would say was nothing, but for me I guess was something. I keep thinking about it and going over the night that was suppose to be so simple but it became a regret and an embarrassment. I knew I was going to regret it but I still let the situation happen. Now I can say talking to the only one that understands and saw everything happen still loves me unconditionally, made me realize I need to let it go and let what I want go. I keep wanting what I think I need and that will make me happy but I probably just need to find myself or figure out me. And maybe what I am looking for will appear unexpectedly. maybe not. Who knows? Right? Just gotta let it happen. Not do anything about......

How odd? How cute?

I find these fire sprinklers super endearing!!! They look like little Daisys. 

They watch these college kids studying, drinking, having sex, and doing drugs. They are covered sometimes, not being able to see and can hear their hollow voices. Sometimes they just peer through the see through shower cap gazing, they have no feelings towards any of this because it's nothing new to them.

A story that has been waiting to be written and heard.

Well all I can tell you is that, its about a tree that tells stories from the past... it sounded cool in my head but now that I type it, it sounds like the worst possible story I can tell.

It's honestly insane...

It's insane
it's insane how we are guided into doing
it's insane how we start trying to figure out our world
it's insane how we see groups find their "people"
it's insane how we finally find our "people"
it's insane how we fall in love in high school
it's insane how we think he's the one
he's not the one
it's insane how we become so involved into knowing what we know
Clubs, sports, teachers, classmates...
It's insane how it all comes to an end
it's insane how we think "wow we are finally here at graduation practice"
we are ready to start our lives and are ready to see what life is going to hit us with.
we are not.
It's insane how we walk down that stage leaving behind everything and everyone who guided us to who we are today, leaving the knowing, starting the new beginning.
it's insane how we move into college, having to figure out what to know.
it's insane how looking back on photographs and social media posts and seeing the most comfortable time of our lives.
Bringing that smile to your face
your heart being a little faster
you remember how much of a great feeling those memories gave you.
It's insane how you were known but now
your not.
It's insane....it's just.... insane

I mean like why?

I think it's just so hilarious but sad and depressing when a student is in the dinning commons and they are sitting be themselves with 3 other chairs. Then a another fellow student is looking for another chair to sit on while they are eating with their group of friends. The student comes to the one, thats sitting alone and asks " is anyone using this chair?" ( of course the fuck not) They take the chair while the other student is STILL sitting along eating! WHY! Can't a student say " OH HEY you are welcome to sit with us" Instead of just taking their chair and make them feeling lonely then they already are!

So.... Different..

It is my second week of college at Cal State Monterey Bay, I can say its great. At least I think it is... I have made a few friends here and there but not ones I feel I can be close too. I met this one guy, Austin, he's super chill and funny but I don't think he's going to treat our little bond the same because of some things that have happened. I'll let you guess what those things are, anyway, I just have been feeling like its hard to make friends here! Super weird for me since I am easy going and very talkative person. I do believe it might be because I stay in my dorm all day and just do homework, chill and go out with Austin. Well as of now I might be be hanging with him and his friends to much anymore since all they want to do is drink and get high. It's not really my thing, like I mean occasionally but everyday or every night? I just feel like I have important things to do than get behind... I am not a lonely freshmen but I just wish I could find my people. Back home I can meet people and be so comfortable with them but here... its just such an odd and awkward situation where I just want to binge watch Law and Order or Ghost Whisper. I know I will make friends but its just... like I said so different. It's a part of growing up I guess..?

Hi, Hello, Howdie!

Dear who ever is reading this,
I am 19, about to leave to college next week. I am going to CSU Monterey Bay and majoring in Cinematic Arts and Technology. I am currently a Life Guard in my home town and have a huge interest in my supervisor. Which I don't know why any of this matters but anyway. I don't know what I plan on doing with that degree but its a start to something I love! Yea, thats pretty much all I have to say. A friend said this Blog is probably your best place and helps your mental health. Like I guess right?? last post was about a break up and the one before that was about heart ache... maybe I got some problems lol. I am not like this in person or at all I am actually really fun, out going, positive, and loves others deeply. This blog really doesn't show who I truly am. I can be a cool person yen now!?!