silence..... all I can hear was the ringing of silence. Everything so still, all that was heard was my own breath trying to slowly taken in the heart ache of understanding. Taking it all in not wanting to move, think, or.... who knows? I was thinking maybe I should have for once express how I was feeling! Maybe I could have saved what we had. I am thinking about how I should just show up to his house and tell him to go outside and talk about this all and have that amazing moment of realization how we should be together and we were meant to be with each other.
But of course, my life is not like the movie I want it to be.. why try to save something that one of us wanted to end it anyway? It could have ended differently. We could have started differently. I saw this coming so why care so much about it. I knew I was not pretty enough or have the right personality for the relationship. Yet I kept trying. Sometimes my efforts are not enough. I wish I could have that story to say he came over to my house and we talked about it. But, he is not the kind of person to save this after he and his hearted decided. Its okay. I was fine before when I fantasized about him my whole high school career... when we were just friends.. nothing else.. just person I would say hello to once in a great while in the halls... now its just me looking down at my phone hoping I won't see him. Back to being just Paloma... the loud girl at school with the big eyes....
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