It must be really annoying how when I post something long it is depressing. Maybe my English Teacher made me make this my comfort spot to share how I feel, with it open to the world but the world never takes the time to notice and read and truly understand how I feel. Yes it is coming, you are about to here my heart and soul talk on this post.......
It starts with me rumbling, bouncing going crazy inside while she acts and looks totally normal and calm on the outside. I can hear voices and feel her hoping she had been telling her self wrong in the beginning. Her name was never called....I sank and slowed myself down in a split second. The ache and her not to show it made me scream where she couldn't breath in silence. Waiting to leave when nobody noticed, so she would not show her emotion. Nobody looked.....nobody noticed....nobody cares. and I am not being dramatic, nobody, cared.
As she walked outside she Began to sob and rush to her car before others saw her crying and began to ask questions. I can hear her thoughts and emotions screaming, while I could only beat for her to breath, to let it all out..... I couldn't even tell her I'm sorry or I loved her because she is truly amazing or something to help.....because I am her. As I can feel the wheels of the car hurrying trying to escape to another place or to go somewhere, she couldn't think were to go but to call a friend. Yet it still didn't make her feel better. She was trying to find a way out of this emotion to cry and cry and cry, and oh just cry. Thinking if she should call the boy that she has said she is in love with. The one that broke me, he left his mark on me and it has never let. Maybe she should call her best friend to make it feel better, but doesn't want to talk to her.
So many emotions, no one to notice. How I broke once more but this time I lost a part of myself. It was all her fault, Paloma, why would she do this to me. She knew her dream was not gonna come true, she knew her passion and what she wanted so badly was not going to happened. She still took the chance making me hope she had the it all wrong and was going to make that dream, that hope, and that love for it come true. No she just broke me for the second time for the same thing. I think she should let go because she tried and tried and wasted time for the try when she knew. when I knew. Paloma never had the chance and doesn't deserve it. She is worthless, not smart, and finally garbage. Stop trying to make the change. It doesn't matter and NOBODY notices. just succeed in the other stuff you seem to always succeed in. Maybe its my fault, when she gains the slightest confidence, I make her lose it. Till she is stuck in a room in silence, not thinking about anything just laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling.... physically feeling me trying to put myself back together in pain. While the tears still roll down the side of her face, feeling hopeless for something that won't matter in 20 years from now. But was important the most now.
