God works in crazy ways !

Trust in God because he will be the only one that will help you through your pain, mistakes, and struggles. He will never judge who you are which is truly extraordinary! Praise God!

My name is heart, whats yours?

 It must be really annoying how when I post something long it is depressing. Maybe my English Teacher made me make this my comfort spot to share how I feel, with it open to the world but the world never takes the time to notice and read and truly understand how I feel. Yes it is coming, you are about to here my heart and soul talk on this post.......

            It starts with me rumbling, bouncing going crazy inside while she acts and looks totally normal and calm on the outside. I can hear voices and feel her hoping she had been telling her self wrong in the beginning. Her name was never called....I sank and slowed myself down in a split second. The ache and her not to show it made me scream where she couldn't breath in silence. Waiting to leave when nobody noticed, so she would not show her emotion. Nobody looked.....nobody noticed....nobody cares. and I am not being dramatic, nobody, cared.
      As she walked outside she Began to sob and rush to her car before others saw her crying and began to ask questions. I can hear her thoughts and emotions screaming, while I could only beat for her to breath, to let it all out..... I couldn't even tell her I'm sorry or I loved her because she is truly amazing or something to help.....because I am her. As I can feel the wheels of the car hurrying trying to escape to another place or to go somewhere, she couldn't think were to go but to call a friend. Yet it still didn't make her feel better. She was trying to find a way out of this emotion to cry and cry and cry, and oh just cry. Thinking if she should call the boy that she has said she is in love with. The one that broke me, he left his mark on me and it has never let. Maybe she should call her best friend to make it feel better, but doesn't want to talk to her.
        So many emotions, no one to notice. How I broke once more but this time I lost a part of myself. It was all her fault, Paloma, why would she do this to me. She knew her dream was not gonna come true, she knew her passion and what she wanted so badly was not going to happened. She still took the chance making me hope she had the it all wrong and was going to make that dream, that hope, and that love for it come true. No she just broke me for the second time for the same thing. I think she should let go because she tried and tried and wasted time for the try when she knew. when I knew. Paloma never had the chance and doesn't deserve it. She is worthless, not smart, and finally garbage. Stop trying to make the change. It doesn't matter and NOBODY notices. just succeed in the other stuff you seem to always succeed in. Maybe its my fault, when she gains the slightest confidence, I make her lose it. Till she is stuck in a room in silence, not thinking about anything just laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling.... physically feeling me trying to put myself back together in pain. While the tears still roll down the side of her face, feeling hopeless for something that won't matter in 20 years from now. But was important the most now.

Todays Journal Topic

A cafeteria worker was cleaning up the pans and dishes then began to put them away when she came across a magic lamp. She was really confused to find it in a kitchen of a high school, she kind of ignored it but was very curious. This worker began to laugh and pretend to rub it like she saw in Aladdin the Disney movie. All of a sudden she began to see weird figure coming out of the spout like smoke of purple and blue with pictures of beaches and amazons. Then BAM she was in a tropical amazon and was stuck in a mini river, she was so confused and terrified. When all of a sudden she saw a figure slowly approaching her....it looked like a branch but all of a sudden this branch opened its killer green eyes coming slowly. Then it rose out of the water with its huge jaws! The caferteria  worker was looking up at the alligator in shock not knowing what to do thinking how her life was gonna end. "hey yo whats up?" said the alligator.

"If you think about it everything in society is all ancient like some music, before I had iTunes and Spotify I had it on Mp3 then before that it was on a CD then it was on a tape then before that it was a cassette and then Venal...... ITS STILL THE SAME FUCKING SONG".  -Dr.Preston

My life has been changed!

  Starting off with a terrible week because I was busy and then got sick! BUT! I did my annual Teen Search camp but this time I was Director! The Lord truly changed so many teens lives this weekend and I know this has changed their life forever! I am so happy that everyone had the most awesomest experience! I did for sure because it meant so much to me and I was so sad that it happened to quickly but God made it truly perfect, praise God!

A boy

Made me feel like shit. I think I let my mind over think something little to be amazing, crazy how someone can be so nice but make a mistake that hurt so much.... we were nothing but I thought we would have been something. To have a chance to be wanted, from somone I have been interested in for a while now. Before he even knew me, but that's high school right? To have a crush on someone that I thought was perfect? To have an interest on a  young man every girl wants, giving me the feeling I had the chance. We had a chance. Maybe in another world it work or is working, maybe we are together living the perfect life... oh how young my mind is.

Why are we insecure ?

I walked into spanished classes legit annoyed as hell. Why? Because my Spanish teacher is super nice older lady but not at the same time. She can be very nice but when you hit her slight nerve she goes all wild. Thursday  a sub came into because she had a meeting. This sub was a very quiet young man,  maybe early 40s. I am writing about him because I saw how insecure he was and I didn't say anything to help. He constantly scratching his arm looking down, kept figiting with his hair and kept looking at him self in his phone. I wanted to tell him he looked good but okay or don't worry about how you look but in a nice meaningful way. I understand the feeling of caring what you look like and feeling ugly in your own body.... but I didn't say anything .....